Know your enemy

You should see it when it's empty.

Ah, rivalry week...the one week every year when we stop trying to ignore the "tribe from the North" and start trying to ignore Robb Akey. The Broncos are coming off a cake walk win against Utah State, the Vandals are coming off a surprisly tough win over Bye. Most fans, like me, know too much about Idaho and their antics on the Palouse. Needless to say, there is still a lot to be learned about this week's foe (don't worry, Kellen Moore already knows their defense intimately)...so let's explore through the magic of factoids and childish jokes. For the mutual benefit of the Vandal faithful, I will let you get to know us a little bit too, not that you haven't already drawn your own conclusions...so take notes.

Ten things Bronco fans might not know about the University of Idaho and their hellish hovel to the north

10. In 1871, brothers Asbury and Noah Lieuallen and about 20 families arrived in what is now Moscow, Idaho. The settlers were drawn in by the abundant grassland and availability of timber for building. The abundance of camas bulbs, then used as fodder for pigs, in the area led the settlers to first name the town Hog Heaven. Years later, several U of I sororities adopted that same name.

9. Besides the University of Idaho—Moscow is home to 21 other academic institutions...among them, Mr. Leon's School of Hair Design and the Moscow School of Massage. Surplus baby oil from the School of Massage is donated every year to the football team.

8. The Vandal football team started play in 1893, and went 2-0-1 in their first year with two wins over Washington State and a tie against Spokane AC. It took the Vandals until 1900 to win another game. Ahh, tradition.

7. Idaho's longest tenured coach in their history was John G. "Pinky" Griffith, who coached for 10 seasons in Moscow and went 28-22-2. Griffith left Idaho to coach at Iowa after the 1906 season but returned as Vandals coach in 1910 and took over the University of Idaho's Entomology Department. Prior to coaching, Griffith was a fullback and team captain for the Iowa Hawkeyes' football team.

6. A mule named Idaho Gem, the world's first cloned equine, was created by researchers at the University of Idaho and Utah State University. Later that same year, the school cloned Buddy Hackett to be their basketball coach.

5. The Kibbie Dome, shown here, is the smallest football venue in Division 1-A with a capacity of 16,000. The dome should be full this Saturday, but don't worry, Bronco fans, there's always a little extra room in Robb Akey's mustache.

4. The campus master plan for the University of Idaho was developed by the Olmsted Brothers, founders of the American Society of Landscape Architects and sons of Frederick Law Olmsted, who designed New York's Central Park. The Olmsted Brothers radical design ideas for the campus included grass, trees, gravel, and trees.

3. Before moving to the Kibbie Dome, the Vandals' football team played their home games at Neale Stadium, an "earthen horseshoe" that was named after UI president Mervin G. Neale. The stadium was condemned in 1969 and burned down by an arsonist that same year. Why are you looking at me? I wasn't born until 1980.

2. Two famous alums of the Vandal football team are Jerry Kramer and Bill Fagerbakke. Kramer went on to fame and fortune as the Intermountain Gas spokesman after his playing career in Moscow was over and Fagerbakke went on to become a starfish. Ok, Kramer was pretty good.

1. Idaho has an all-time win percentage of only 44%. Sure they, won 12 straight against the Broncos in the 80s and 90s, but that was much more anomalous than anything they've experienced before or since. They've never won a national championship, notched an undefeated season or even made a dent in the Division 1-AA playoffs. Despite their "streak", the Broncos lead the all-time series with the Vandals 19-17-1 and it's gonna get more lopsided from here on out. Just remember all this when your revisionist Vandal co-workers try to reminisce about the "good old days".

Ten things Vandal fans might not know about the Broncos and their peaceful hamlet to the south

10. In 1978, after taking abuse from the Vandal mascot at Bronco Stadium and in tears, the Bronco mascot (who was female) was approached by Boise State wrestling coach Mike Young to pull a switcheroo on the Vandal attacker. Young donned the costume at halftime and proceeded to tackle the Vandal mascot and steal his sword. Comeuppance, I believe is what that is called.

9. Longtime radio personality and ex-"Voice of the Broncos" is actually an University of Idaho alum, as is the father of Bronco football, Lyle Smith. This is a lot like if Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine decided to fight for the Rebel Alliance after graduating from Dark Side University.

8. Boise State's second president, Eugene Chaffee (1937-1967) enlisted in the army in 1942 to fight in World War II.

7. During World War II, enrollment at Boise State dropped to 152, but by the end of the war had jumped to nearly 900. Today, enrollment is close to 20,000.

6. Aurelius "Buck" Buckner was Boise State's first African-American student athlete. Buckner attended Boise State from 1944 to 1946, and was on the football team and basketball team, where he was the high-scorer in the 1945/46 season. Bill Buckner, who also lives in Boise, is no relation.

5. Once upon a time the land on which most of Boise State's campus sits was an island. Its most famous resident was Sage Brush Ann (also known as Tarpaper Annie), who lived alone in a modest tarpaper shack. I got nothin'...this one speaks for itself.

4. Boise State is currently ranked the 40th among all universities in merchandise sales just behind Georgia Tech. Boise State is the highest ranked non-BCS school on the list of the top 75 that the CLC releases each quarter and is ranked directly ahead of Mississippi, Stanford, Colorado, Pitt, BYU, and Boston College. Here is an artist's rendering of the owner of the Blue and Orange Store.

3. Many Vandals think that Boise State ripped off their colors and mascot from the Denver Broncos...wrong. Boise State's mascot and colors were picked in 1932 by student Owen Sproat and others after a basketball game. As Sproat put it:

“most of the guys rode horses — it was pretty much cattle country in those days.”

The johnny-come-lately Denver Broncos didn't come on the scene until 1960.

2. Lyle Smith's teams won 16 of 21 conference titles in the Intermountain Collegiate Athletic Conference (now the Scenic West Athletic Conference). Dominance, Lyle Smith be thy name.

1. The Broncos have won ten oops...getting ahead of myself...nine straight games against the Vandals going into this Saturday's game. The last win by the Vandals was a thrilling 36-35 win on the blue 1998 in Boise. Since that fateful date in November of '98, the Broncos have won 105 games and 7 conference championships. The Vandals have won 30 games in that span and have not been to a bowl game since the 1998 Humanitarian Bowl. The Tormey Curse or the Pokey Curse...take your pick.

Why the hate?

As a young boy, I thought the University of Idaho wasn't so bad. I grew up in Boise and liked the Broncos, but would root for the Vandals when I saw them play. I had aunts and uncles who attended the University of Idaho and a couple that actually played on their sports teams. As a naive child it seemed to me that Idaho and Boise State were separated by geography alone. Then I grew up, as we all do, and realized that much more separate Boise State and Idaho than geography. The Broncos, quite frankly, are winners...and well, the Vandals are losers...and I don't just mean in a statistical or historical way (although the stats will back up this assertion). But alas, I am still a relatively young buck and can scarcely recall "the streak", Johnelle John L. Smith, or John Friesz—so I thought it best to solicit the older Bronco fans out there to find out just how deep the hatred runs. Turns out: pretty deep. Screen names were provided to protect the innocent from Vandal drive-bys, which we've heard are known to happen.

ADBill

I am sure you are aware that first game, the DAVs* tried to duck Boise College and were forced to play us.

Prior to the game their coach said the 1st half would be more like a scrimmage and in the second half they would embarrass Boise (You guessed it, the Vandals lost).

The third game was the first one played in Moscow. That same coach Robbins, led the Vandals through the Boise locker room singing "Kiss my Ass BJC" (classy). This cost the (Vandals) the game—the Vandals were heavy favorites and the Broncos didn't think they could win, but that stunt was all that was needed to get Boise on the winning track. My source was Al Davis a Boise player and starter.

Broncobadger

The Vandals used to control the SBOE when I was a kid (in the 50's). No matter what we (BSU) or ISU for that matter tried to do to improve ourselves or grow.....the Vanholes would squash it.....add to that the never ending string of scandals and lies to come out of that cesspool up north and you will have a damn thick novel not a story. There is too much for anyone here to jot down in an email. Those who do not study history are doomed to repeat it. Every BSU student should really go back to the early days of the school and the state of Idaho and understand just what kind of people you are dealing with. Some of you young guys don't understand why some of us older guys hate the Vandals so much....well I will "F'ing" gar-un-tee you that it is well deserved and make no mistake they hate us.....they have always hated us, and they have tried since BSU was formed to shut us down.

I have never considered this a rivalry; even when I was a child.....I have always viewed it as some kind of twisted punishment that we have to have anything to do with those A-holes. I do not care to associate with criminals and scum, yet the state of Idaho makes us do that every time we have to come into contact with those losers.

What goes around comes around and the Vanholes are now reaping what they have sown. They could have taken the high road and been the flagship institution in this state but instead they chose the low road and they deserve every rotten thing that happens to them.

Tell us how you really feel, badger.

Flashypaws

In a nutshell...the Vandals have always percieved themselves as a superior breed. I don't know why exactly, but Idaho alums talk about U of I like it's the Harvard or Yale of the northwest. It wouldn't be so bad, but once you realize how self-centered, and self-righteous, and self-congratulatory, and self-aggrandizing, and self-absorbed, and dumb most of these guys are...well, the hate just comes natural.

It's the feeling you'd have if Richard Simmons billed himself as one of the greatest athletes of the 20th century. You'd wanna pick him up by the hair and slap him until he cried. They should just drop back into AA, and disappear, as far as I'm concerned.

Make no mistake, this isnt a rivalry, its a class war, and when it comes to class, BSU has it, and U of I never will.

Richard Simmons isn't one of the greatest athletes of the 20th century?

Some Broncos take exception to the 1996 game that saw the Chris Tormey-led Vandals running up the score on an in-his-final-days Pokey Allen and the Broncos. They even ran a fake punt when they were up by nearly 50 points.

Me personally? I don't like the drunken frat boys that come to the games at Bronco Stadium and try to pick fights in the student section. I don't like the book-cooking that the Vandals do with their pathetic home attendance numbers. I don't like sleeping porches or beefcake photos. I don't like Dennis Erickson, Johnelle John L. Smith, Chris Tormey, Tom Cable, Nick Holt or Robb Akey. That's right...I don't like Robb Akey—the hybrid of Alex P. Keaton's dad on Family Ties and the neighbor from Office Space. I do like Rob Spear, though. Stay gold, Rob...stay gold (and please NEVER leave Moscow).

*DAV=Dog Ass Vandals, apparently Tony Knap rallied the troops and coined this term after the Vandal locker room hijinx in 1973.

Vandals turning on themselves

This scathing editorial cartoon appeared in the latest issue of U of I's Argonaut. Hey...that's Argo-naut very nice! yet completely accurate.

Zing!

Sophomoric humor gets results

It seems that the Vandals butt logo situation has been...wait for it..."rectified" *snicker*. The Vandal logo debacle, it seems, went all the way to the top this week and Rob Spear, as expected, blamed everyone else:

"They're saying we signed off on it. We did sign off on it, but the actual design of the uniforms were changed,"

Spears says that the logo was supposed to be higher up on the pants, near the "beltline"...but apparently conspirators at Nike decided to move the logo to a decidely funnier location. I'm sure that's what happened...yep. Spears went on to add (most likely with tears welling in his eyes):

"I was disappointed with the look and the appearance. We didn't realize how noticeable it would be until it was on our players,"

Well, we all didn't realize how terrible Idaho would be this year either until we saw them take the field in Arizona. Keep the stories coming, Vandals...I've got a family to support and all the Adsense revenue that I get from embarassing Vandal stories allows me to feed my family.

Leaked photos from Vandal Camp

Quarterback Nathan Enderle exhibits the Vandals new secret weapon, "the Forward Pass"


Placekicker Tino Amancio works on his craft


Walk-on Fullback Hughey Gold poses briefly for the assembled press before taking to the practice field


Just across from the practice field, the Kibbie Dome looms. Quiet...for now.


The new Vandal O-line has finally added some bulk up-front


A Vandal H-back darts his way through defenders as several other nap quietly on the field


Coach Robb Akey poses in full regalia in his office prior to the morning session

Did you hear the one about the Vandals?

Part 2 of our WAC football preview is here (remember, we're starting from the bottom), and this time we brought in the big guns. Kevan Lee from OBNUG was kind enough to write this glowing send up of those loveable losers—the University of Idaho Vandals. We're glad that someone out there also thinks that Robb Akey looks like the dad from Family Ties (but with the social graces of the neighbor from Office Space). Adam Korby looks a little like Tina Yothers, too. No?

Robb Akey's mustache has seen a lot of things: the sidelines of Washington State, coaching stops at Northern Arizona and Weber State, and enough Just for Men to drown a horse seven times over. But through the mustache's journey from town to town and Arby's to Arby's, one thing the mustache has yet to see is a WAC win.

Akey and his furry friend failed to earn one last year, losing games to New Mexico State (inexcusable) and Utah State (virtually impossible) along the way to going 0-for-the-conference. The final tally in the first year of the Akey:

• 0-8 conference record
  
• 37 points per game allowed
  
• one Boise State "donkeys" reference
  
• one 58-14 loss to Boise State
  
• 18 instances of throwing hands up in the air as if to say, "What more can I do? Besides teaching fundamentals, I mean."
  

Yet through it all, one thing has remained clear to Akey. This Vandal team is his family.

“I like the way this family is together at this point in time and that is going to be huge,” Akey said. “We’ve got a family here and that is a great thing."

Forget for a moment the ramifications of such smothering statements (recruits want to hear "We have hot coed girls" not "You're like the son I never had") and imagine what love Akey must have in his heart to desire kinship with this ragamuffin group. The Vandals are one of the most dysfunctional teams in the country, so it takes a big man to love them so much. I don't necessarily mean that as a compliment.

At some point in the evolution of Akey's head coaching tenure, he obviously made the decision to take this family thing and run with it. Was his mustache jealous? Most certainly, but a horse-hair ivory brush fixed that. Still, choosing the family angle is a rather unique approach to an undisciplined, untalented bunch. And it leads to some interesting questions:

• Can the players call him Papa Akey?
  
• Does Adam Korby get the birthright?
  
• Who does the chaperoning on dates?
  
• In bed by 10:00? Lights out at 11:00?
  
• What will he say when Shiloh Keo asks why he looks different than Nathan Enderle?

Family vacation to nowhere
With family in tow, Akey is ready to hit the road and go places in the WAC. Too bad Nathan Enderle hates car rides. The Idaho quarterback-by-default-not-by-choice will take the Vandals as far as they will go this year, and he will do so with a blatant disregard for completion percentage.

Enderle, who is perhaps better known for not being Joey Harrington's little brother, was not particularly good last year, which fit in well with the overall theme of the Vandals. He is nothing if not a team player.

If you ask us, Enderle's problem is his inaccuracy, poor decision-making, and ADHD pocket presence. If you ask Robb Akey, Enderle's problem is not having a mustache.

There. Fixed.

Enderle's inadequacies are too bad because the Vandals have a very good running back behind him. Sophomore Deonte Jackson, heretofore referred to as "the offense," has the potential to be the WAC's top runner this season both because he is talented and because he will get an overwhelming amount of touches. The Vandal skill players are short on skill and long on getting tackled easily, so Jackson's game-breaking ability will be much needed. Yes, I know I just said "game-breaking ability."

It was the mustache's idea to put Idaho State on the schedule
The Vandals are always good for at least one Division I-AA team on the schedule. Goodness, if they weren't, they might never win a game. But whereas most D-1 schools breeze through these cupcakes, the Vandals fight and claw and scratch their way to seven-point wins. And boy are they happy about it.

This year's I-AA opponent is Idaho State; the same Idaho State who will lose to the Broncos by 50 points the week prior. After the Bengals, Idaho gets Western Michigan, Utah State, and San Diego State in what, for any other team, would be a super easy stretch. For the Vandals, it will be a perfect opportunity to show how far they have or haven't come. If they can't win two games out of those four, then they might as well fold the program and let Akey's mustache use the Kibbie Dome as its own, personal bachelor pad. Did someone say Kibbie Dome mustache?

We swear we didn't know there was film in the camera
The Vandals have a few things going for them that are entirely new and foreign. For starters, the coaching staff returns in tact (which may or may not be a good thing). Second, there are some good players on the team in Jackson and Korby. Third, the schedule is incredibly easy. Start printing those "2008 Idaho Vandals: 3-9" T-shirts!

But then again, these are the Vandals we are talking about. And they obviously have serious lapses in judgment.

Might this problem manifest itself at the most inappropriate times on the football field? Of course it will, although hopefully they'll keep their shirts on this time. Idaho is bound to blow it once or twice this season; that's what they do best. But it appears that their strategy is to put themselves in situations where screwing up royally doesn't cost the team in the win column. For instance, Nathan Enderle forgetting what an out route is will probably happen in the San Diego State game, but the chances that the Aztecs take advantage of the mistake will be minimal. Their schedule could seriously save them a game or two.

Of course, they stand no chance of beating the Broncos, Bulldogs, or Wolf Pack. But it is becoming increasingly more apparent that the Vandals are not concerned with competing at the top of the WAC. They are concerned about competing somewhere, anywhere.

And that should be good enough for the mustache to see its first WAC win.

Rating the WAC coaches

As WAC media days commence in Salt Lake City—Fight, Fight BSU is reminded that the season is just around the corner. The Beijing Olympics should be a nice diversion from the hand-wringing that Fall Camp usually initiates...then POW, it's August 30th and the ISU Bengals are running headlong into a Blue and Orange buzzsaw. Anyway, we'll know whom the preseason WAC faves are in the next few days...but I'd like to bring my own list to the table. How do the WAC coaches stack up? From the bottom...

9. Brent Guy, Utah State—Brent Guy used to be on staff as a Bronco assistant, and I'm sure he misses those salad days. Guy's Aggie teams have been laughably bad since he's taken the reins culminating in last season's 52-0 loss in Logan to the Broncos. Brent's a good guy, but that team is going nowhere fast. He's 6-29 as head man and looks destined to pillow fight it with Idaho for WAC doormat status.

8. Robb Akey, Idaho—Ok, so Akey's Vandals lost to Brent Guy's Aggies last season (Akey's first) AND Akey sports a cringe-worthy mustache and spouts stupid one-liners like he's auditioning for a James Bond role...but we gotta hand it to the guy...he has enthusiasm. Akey's golly-gee media demeanor and sideline fervor are the ONLY thing putting him ahead of Guy right now. Akey's first year at the helm produced 1 measly win...1-AA team...and barely. We think they'll win more games this year...maybe 2. Our only advice: Leave the "donkey" comments at the Corner Club, Akey!

7. Hal Mumme, New Mexico State—It was hard for me not to put Mumme at the bottom out of spite. I can't stand the guy or his shtick. Mumme was even famously dissed by Boise State safety Marty Tadman after last year's beatdown on the blue (Mumme called down the wrath of the Broncos after disrespecting them in '06). Mumme is 8-29 as the head man in Las Cruces and with Chase Holbrook and a smattering of decent offensive players may win 3 WAC games this year...but no more. Mumme, since going to NMSU has showed less of his coaching chops and much more of his post-nasal drip. I think Mumme is a drip...don't forget to bring a towel!

6. Chris Ault, Nevada—This will be considered sacrilege to the Wolf_space_pack fans that think Ault hung the moon. I'll ignore their shouts of "he's in the college football hall of fame" to explain why I think the Lil General is past his prime. Ault, in his most recent head coaching stint in Reno has gone a ho-hum 28-22...it could be worse...but given some of the games I've watched, it could be much better. Ault has been unable to knock off Boise State in his current role (though not for lack of trying last year) and more often than not has laid a stinky egg against the Broncos. Last year in Reno, the Wolf_space_Pack had a Colt Brennan-less Hawaii team right where the wanted them, until Ault intervened with his coaching and gave the game away. Ault is middle of the road, but I think he's peaked. Oh, and we're still miffed about this.

5. Dick Tomey, San Jose State—Oh sure, Tomey has a worse record in his current SJSU gig than Ault's...but hear me out. Tomey helmed Hawaii and Arizona before landing in San Jose and while Tomey hasn't lit it up at 17-19. Tomey, however has taken San Jose State from Fitz Hill's 2004 2-9 campaign to a 2006 New Mexico Bowl berth and a 9-4 record (where they also beat rival Fresno State for the first time in quite a while). And while San Jose State has not beaten Boise State ever in WAC play...they've scared the bejeezus out of me more times than I would've imagined. Tomey is no miracle worker...they routinely have no offense...but he can get his boys up for some games and I believe that is why he is slightly ahead of Ault in the battle of the blue-hairs.

4. Greg McMackin, Hawaii—Maybe putting McMackin up this high in his inaugural season at Hawaii is a stretch, time will tell. McMackin has his work cut out for him this year as Hawaii basically put their entire 2007 offense on Oceanic flight 815—but with the emergence of Hawaii defense (McMackin was D-coordinator) over the last few seasons that made them much less of a pushover, I think that McMackin knows his stuff. That, or the 30 JC players or ex-cons that Hawaii has on its roster at any given time "got up" for the '07 campaign.

3. Derek Dooley, Louisiana Tech—Derek, the son of Georgia's legendary Vince Dooley is, in my estimation, a star on the rise. He went 5-7 in his first season last year putting scares into Sugar Bowl bound Hawaii and Boise State. The 2006 squad had only managed 3 wins. Dooley, is young...has a lot of enthusiasm and can inspire his athletes to play hard. I was genuinely a little scared last year when the Broncos went to Ruston and am equally pleased that his second year squad has to play on the blue. Dooley won't set the world on fire this year as Bicknell's recruits are still hanging around, but I think they may make a push at a bowl if luck is on their side. Dooley gets the "potential vote" to come in at #3.

2. Pat Hill, Fresno State—If getting guys up for big (read:BCS) games was the criteria for this list, Hill would win easily. Fresno State has put scares into numerous BCS teams and always manages to pull out a win or two a season against teams they "shouldn't". Hill has gone a respectable 85-55 in his tenure and shows a lot of loyalty to his 'dogs by not being led away by the prestige or paycheck of "better" jobs. Hill is a fierce competitor and can really coach. His near-miss against USC in 2005 was a thing of beauty. Hill's ultimate downfall has been his inability to win a WAC title. Even when the coast looks clear (2005) his teams have been snakebit and in 2006...they simply imploded after early season fistfights with BCS opponents. I think they'll be in the hunt this year and will be the media darlings, but ultimately I think #1 will still have his number.

#1. Chris Petersen, Boise State—Petersen's career is still young...but he has the wins and hardware to back up his #1 ranking. In his first year at Boise State, Petersen ONLY went 13-0, won the Bear Bryant coach of the year award and was widely praised for his bold coaching in the epic Fiesta Bowl. The honeymoon was over in 2007 when coach had to settle for second in the WAC...but his team still put beatdowns on some of the WAC's best (and worst) and finished just outside the top-25. Pete is 23-3 as the honcho at Boise State and prior to that won several awards as the top Offensive Coordinator in the country. Coach Pete is a player's coach, is innovative, and really has the respect of his team, assistants, community and administration. He's tearing up the recruiting trail this offseason and should be poised to make a run at another WAC title this year with a very young team. What more can you say? Coach Pete is the man in the WAC until someone else forcibly takes that title from him.

Agree? Disagree? Let me know!

For those about to suck...we salute you!

Vandals opened Spring Camp on Monday and rumor has it that Robb Akey saw his shadow signifying at least one more season of terrible football. Chin up Vandals, you can't do that much worse than 1-11.

In recognition of this grand event, here is a stirring tribute video:



So impressed was Akey with Monday's first practice...he temporarily forgot that he was actually coaching the Vandals:

Second-year Idaho coach Robb Akey addressed his team following the first day of spring camp Tuesday, reminding them to wear attire that is "Cougar-issued." The former Washington State defensive coordinator's faux pas brought good-natured groans from his team and a hung head from Akey himself.

Akey's comment was followed by a brief "wa-waaaa" played on a nearby tuba.