Know your enemy (for this week, anyway)

If you look at the scoreboard upside down, we actually won.

Boise State gets the distinct pleasure of playing another Aggies team this weekend on the blue...the dreaded Utah State Aggies. The Broncos are coming off a cake walk win against New Mexico State, the Aggies are coming off a surprising win over Hawaii. Most fans, like me, know little about Utah State outside of Johnelle John L. Smith and his bifurcated tail. Needless to say, there is a lot to be learned about this week's foe (don't worry, Kellen Moore already knows their defense intimately)...so let's explore through the magic of factoids and childish jokes. For the mutual benefit of the Aggie faithful, I will let you get to know us a little bit too...so take notes.

Ten things Bronco fans might not know about Utah State

10. Why is the New Mexico State Aggie a cowboy and the Utah State Aggie a pig cow bull? Well, an Aggie mascot generally denotes that the school is an agricultural institution. Utah State was established in Logan, Utah as the Agricultural College of Utah and didn't become Utah State University until 1957. The first athletics teams actually were known as "the Farmers". I personally think that "Soil Strikers" would've been much more fearsome a nickname.

9. Utah State University faculty played a key role in advising Iran on water, soils, and crop management. They also helped Ahmadinejad pick out his snappy jacket.

8. Utah State manufactures a college ice cream known as Aggie Ice Cream, which is sold in 26 flavors. The football team's favorite flavor: Rocky Road.

7. The Aggie football team's most celebrated alum is Merlin Olsen, a Hall of Fame defensive tackle with the Los Angeles Rams. Olsen was a 14 time Pro-Bowl selection and named to the NFL 75th Anniversary All-Time Team in 1994. You may also remember Olsen as playing Charles Ingalls' pal Jonathan Garvey on Little House on the Prairie and trying to guilt you into buying FTD flowers.

6. In 1909 the first senior class gift was an "A" placed on the west side of Old Main tower. The "A," now on all four sides of the tower, can be seen throughout the valley, especially at night when lit in white. For special occasions and athletic wins, the "A" shines blue. In other words, it only shines during basketball season.

5. Utah State plays their football games at Romney Stadium (capacity 25,313). The stadium is named after coach E.L. "Dick" Romney, the Aggie coach from 1918 to 1949. Romney (yes, those Romneys) has the most career wins in Aggie history (128), and as you might expect, the most career losses as well (91).

4. Prior to becoming Boise State's head coach in 1968, Tony Knap led the Aggies for 4 seasons, going 25-14. Knap was 71-19 at Boise State.

3. In 1919, Utah State defeated Idaho State 136-0 in Logan. Every October, Aggie alums mark the anniversary by driving to Pocatello and kicking it in the groin.

2. In 1989, for a tax write-off on the unsold inventory, Apple Computer Inc. buried about 2,700 unsold Apple Lisas in a guarded landfill in Logan. Wonder what they're gonna do with all those unsold Brent Guy bobbleheads?

1. Utah State has long-standing ties with NASA and conducts extensive aerospace research. Utah State is one of only six universities to participate in NASA's New Millenium program, and as such, conduct research on the Geosynchronous Imaging Fourier Transform Spectrometer (GIFTS). I don't think I am overstating when I say that the Geosynchronous Imaging Fourier Transform Spectrometer is the most important issue facing Americans today.

Ten things Aggie fans might not know about Boise State

10. Boise State 2009 wide receiver commit and Kellen Moore kid-brother, Kirby Moore, last week became the new national record holder for career touchdown catches. Kirby now has 85 career TD grabs, which broke the record set by ex-LSU wide receiver Abram Booty. If anything, this record will provide newspapers a rare chance to print the words "Moore Booty" in a headline without any legal ramifications.

9. Boise State alum James Cassan ('60) is the founder of Dollar Rent A Car, which has the most misleading name since the Radio Flyer.

8. Boise was once a key trading post for the Hudson Bay Trading Company. Back then, you could get two potatoes for a smallpox-infested blanket...darn inflation.

7. Boise State's only member of the College Football Hall of Fame is Randy Trautman. Boise State's next member of the College Football Hall of Fame is my 1 year old son (a dad can dream).

6. Sideline reporter for Boise State football's local telecasts, David Augusto, is only 12 inches tall. His appearance on the sidelines as a man of 5'5" is accomplished by the use of stilts and a forklift...and never letting him stand next to Larry Gebert, whose mustache would quickly envelop him.

5. LOST star Matthew Fox's brother Francis teaches sculpture at Boise State.

4. Boise State offers the nation's only masters of science in Raptor Biology. I thought about being a raptor biologist myself, but watching Jurassic Park turned me off that idea.

3. Boise State recently passed a campus-wide smoking ban that prohibits the practice indoors and out on all university-controlled property. Boise State's football team will likely face a hefty fine after smoking the Aggies on Saturday.

2. In the 1970s at the height of the streaking fad, a male streaker attempted to duck through the Boise State Student Union lobby and out a back door. Unfortunately for him, the door was locked and he was caught in the act by a surprised University President John Barnes.

1. During 2008 Spring Practices, 8 representatives of the American football club at Hosei University in Tokyo spent two weeks observing the Broncos' spring practices and meetings. The visitors may have been confused when they met Boise State wide receiver Toshi Franklin, Toshi means "town" in Japanese.

Well, there you have it...we now know a little bit more about the Aggies and they know a little more about us. Group hug.

Know your enemy (for this week, anyway)

Trump called...he digs your hair

Boise State heads to Las Cruces on Saturday to take on Hal Mumme and his Air Raid offense. The Broncos are coming off a hard fought win over a legit San Jose State team, the Aggies are coming off a demoralizing loss to the Vandals. Most fans, like me, know little about New Mexico State outside of Polo Gutierrez and his foot-filled mouth. Needless to say, there is a lot to be learned about this week's foe (don't worry, Kellen Moore already knows their defense intimately)...so let's explore through the magic of factoids and childish jokes about Hal Mumme. For the mutual benefit of the Aggie faithful, I will let you get to know us a little bit too...so take notes.

Ten things Bronco fans might not know about New Mexico State

10. NMSU coach Hal Mumme has developed a series of instructional DVDs on the intricacies of the "Air Raid" offense (you can get all 3 for only $109.99). According to Mumme, "the beauty of the Air Raid Offense is that players love to play this offense and fans flock to see it". I apologize to anyone that was mid-sip on their daily beverage. Order now!

9. Hal Mumme is in love with Hawaii. In 2006, he openly stated that Hawaii was the best team in the league (over eventual 13-0 Boise State), voted for June Jones as WAC coach of the year (though Chris Petersen won National Coach of the Year) and last year was the only coach to vote the Warriors number one in USA Today poll. Get a room, you two.

8. The founder and first president of New Mexico State University was Hiram Hadley. Hiram Hadley wished to see "3 principal items" accomplished in his lifetime: National Prohibition, Women's Suffrage and International Peace. Hadley died in 1922, and as such, lived to see two of those 3 items come to fruition. Item number 4, "Never hire Hal Mumme", which was scrawled on a lost piece of parchment, was sadly discovered far too late in 2006.

7. New Mexico State is home to the world's hottest chile pepper. In 2006, NMSU professor Paul Bosland discovered the Bhut Jolokia pepper, which measures at 1,001,304 Scoville Heat Units (SHU). For comparison, an average jalapeño pepper measure 10,000 SHU. Last year during the ESPN broadcast of the NMSU/UNR game, annoying sideline reporter extraordinaire Rob Stone decided to give it a little taste test.

6. New Mexico State has never lost a bowl game. Of course, they've only been to three, and none since 1960—but still, no one can away their 1960 Sun Bowl victory over Utah State, their 1959 Sun Bowl victory over North Texas or their 1936 tie with Hardin-Simmons in, you guessed it, the Sun Bowl.

5. The New Mexico State head coach with the best winning percentage was Arthur H. Badenoch, who won 86% of his games between the years of 1910 and 1913 (4 seasons). Badenoch also coached the NMSU basketball team during those years, but had less success—posting only 3 wins and 22 losses.

4. At the Whole Enchilada Fiesta in early October, the city of Las Cruces makes the world's largest enchilada. Afterwards, the city then takes the world's largest Alka Seltzer.

3. The outlaw Billy the Kid resided in Las Cruces for a portion of his short life, as did his killer, lawman Pat Garrett. Popular legend suggests that Garrett killed Billy the Kid by feeding him a portion of the world's largest enchilada and then lighting a match near his residence.

2. Well before the Air Raid sirens went off, New Mexico State actually had a run game. In 1998, running back Denvis Manns rushed for 1,469 yards...still an Aggie record. In fact, Manns was only the 3rd ever NCAA runningback to rush for at least 1,000 yards in four consecutive seasons. Despite Manns' offensive prowess, he never enjoyed a winning season as an Aggie...a feat that Chase Holbrook is sure to match.

1. In 1912, the Aggie football team defeated Fort Bliss, TX 116-0. Apparently, the football team at Fort Bliss were all 4-F.

Ten things Aggie fans might not know about Boise State

10. Hollywood director Michael Hoffman is a Boise State alum and was the school's first Rhodes Scholar. He won two Oscars for the film Restoration, but I think his finest work is the documentary film Out of the Blue, which is about Boise State's undefeated 2006 season...oops, I just spoiled the ending.

9. Cornerback Kyle Wilson's older brother Gerry, a Princeton grad, is the founder and CEO of Yoonew.com, the world's first futures exchange for event tickets. Basically you can guarantee yourself a ticket to the big game if your team makes it. Weird, a search of the term "Idaho Vandals" offers no results on the site.

8. In 1982 Jay Luo received his bachelors in mathematics from Boise State University. No biggie, right? Wrong...he was only 12 years old. When I was 12 I beat Super Mario Bros. 3. I think we all know who made the bigger accomplishment there, am I right?

7. The founder and CEO of Money Tree Payday Loans, Dennis Bassford, is a Boise State alum. Now you know who to punch for unleashing the Money Tree caterpillar upon the world*.

6. Astronaut and "Teacher in Space" Barbara Morgan holds an honorary doctorate from Boise State and is a Distinguished Educator in Residence. Morgan was Christa McAuliffe's backup on the ill-fated Challenger shuttle voyage. While in space, Morgan was able to see the great pyramids, the great wall of China, and the hole in the ozone caused by Hal Mumme's overuse of Aqua Net.

5. One of the most famous moments in NCAA tournament history happened in Boise State's basketball arena (formerly the Pavilion, now Taco Bell Arena) when UCLA's Tyus Edny drove the length of the floor in the closing seconds and nailed a layup to defeat Missouri in 1995. There was a memorable game in the WAC tournament in Las Cruces last year too, but I forget how that one ended.

4. Werner Hoeger, a Boise State professor of excercise physiology competed for his native Venezuela in the 2006 Torino Olympics in the luge event. Hoeger was the flag-bearer for Venezuela and, at 52, was the oldest individual competitor at the games. Hoeger, rather than gracing a Wheaties box, was featured on a box of Centrum Silver.

3. The city of Boise has the largest concentration of Basques outside of the Pyrenees mountains. As such, Boise also has a large concentration of unpronouncable last names.

2. Pokey Allen came to Boise State in 1993 and turned a 3-8 squad into a 13-2 squad playing in the 1-AA national championship. Pokey got sick with cancer soon after and missed almost all of the 1996 season, Boise State's first in Division 1-A. The Broncos were 2-10 that year and Pokey missed the first 10 games while undergoing treatment. He returned and coached the last two games of that year...his last win as Bronco head coach was in Las Cruces against the Aggies. Pokey died a little over a month later.

1. Boise State has been shutout only twice in football, the last coming against Washington State in 1997. Boise State registered two shutouts over their opponents just last year. 20 of Boise State's 24 opponent shutouts since 1968 have occurred at home. Their most lopsided win ever? The first ever game on the blue turf: a 74-0 win over Humboldt State which answered once and for all the question, "can Hippies play football?"

Well, now we know a bit more about each other. Enough fraternizing...let's get ready to RRRUMMBLE!**

* FFBSU does not condone violence...well maybe a little.
** No, Michael Buffer, I don't owe you a cent.

Mission Critical—New Mexico State preview

Part 3 of our WAC football preview is here. A little earlier than it should've been maybe, but OBNUG is snagging all the BSU camp stuff and I was getting bored. Today we preview the vaunted New Mexico State Aggies. They've got offensive talent, a boorish head coach and a redneck sounding D-coordinator...this should be good.

Hal Mumme is a man on a mission. After successfully completing several other missions, that included: Feathering his hair like a majestic bird, blowing snot-rockets on national television, and making people uncomfortable at WAC media events—Mumme has refocused his efforts this season on simply keeping his job. Mumme is a complicated man...a man who likes to wear lettermen's jackets and drape snotrags towels over his shoulder. He also likes to lose football games. BUT that is all changing this year...you see, Hal Mumme has a 'gut feeling' that this year's Aggie team will be successful. And if we know anything about Hal Mumme, it's that his gut feelings are usually correct. Let's see what they're up against.

Hooray mediocrity!
The Aggies return 15 starters from last season (and Chase Holbrook returns nearly all of his teeth), when they went 4-9...so you know those seasoned vets know how to lose quite well. Eight of those returners are on offense...an offense that is equal parts excellent under the guidance of senior QB Chase Holbrook...and terrible (might wanna check this out again). WR Chris Williams is a legitimate stud for the Aggies. He may be small, but he is fast and has soft hands. Williams had 772 yards receiving and 11 TDs in 2007 and he only played in 8 freakin' games! Chase Holbrook, when healthy...can really spread the ball around and routinely puts up big numbers and high passing percentages. Last season, a letdown by Holbrook's standards—he still managed to throw for almost 4,000 yards and toss 26 TDs. The headscratcher here is that they only won 4 games. Why? Well, no rushing game to speak of is a good start. The Aggies top rushers from 2007 combined for only 1,037 yards and 7 TDs. "They're a passing team", you'll say. But that doesn't matter, the Aggies are too predictable on offense—they have to get some production from their backs or Holbrook has to do too much. The Aggies put up an amazing -19 yards rushing against BSU last year. That's not good.

Defense wins championships...that's why NMSU has none.
New Mexico State's defense was ranked 94th in the country last year—giving up 430 yards per contest. That number looks pretty good, however, when you consider that, in scoring defense, the Aggies were ranked 107th. These dubious rankings were enough for the Aggies to jettison defensive coordinator Woody Widenhofer (I'm not kidding),a guy who looked like the "time to make the donuts" guy and coached like him too, and bring in Joe Lee Dunn, a former Memphis D-coordinator, who worked wonders for the Tigers' D in the early 90's. Dunn enjoyed (maybe that's too strong a word) stints in the SEC as well, bringing his defensive skillz to programs like Arkansas and Mississippi. Whether Dunn will be able to resurrect the Aggies' D remains to be seen, but expect some growing pains this year for the squad as they try to wrap their heads around his 3-3-5 defense. If Dunn can turn the Aggie D around...the Aggies can make good strides—that is, until Holbrook and Williams graduate and the Aggies' one-dimensional offense stinks again.

Whuzzit mean?
Part of me really dislikes Hal Mumme (the part that comprises 99% of me)—so I'd like to see him get his sycophantic hieny kicked on a weekly basis. I love having coaches like Hal "the towel" in our conference because otherwise, it is really hard to get up for these layup games against the WAC bottom-feeders. Chase Holbrook is a fringe NFL guy and the Aggies certainly have some talent on offense...but until they abandon that gimmicky "Air Raid" offense and start playing some smashmouth football, they're going to continue to eek out 3 and 4 wins seasons. They get the Broncos in Las Cruces this year, so it should be a bit more interesting than the last tussle (wanna see this one more time?), but I think that the Crimson Aggies will only manage 5 wins this season against Nicholls State, UTEP, Idaho, La Tech and Utah State. Sadly, this will be enough for Hal Mumme to stick around...but on the bright side, this will be enough for Hal Mumme to stick around.

In short, watching Aggie football is a lot like watching this commercial:

It hurts.

Bottom feedin': WAC 2008 preview starts with Utah State

An ESPN feature recently ranked the most hated teams in each conference. The WAC's most hated team turned out to be Fresno State, while the least hated team was Utah State. The Aggies, according to the "Hate Meter" just haven't made any real enemies in their three pitiful years in the league...they also have never finished above seventh place. Well, I say more teams should hate the Aggies. They consistently bring down opponent's SOS, their games are yawn-inducing, and they were at one time coached by Johnelle John L. Smith. But what do they bring to the table this season? Let's see.

You call that coaching?
Brent Guy, seems like a nice enough bloke—he's a self-described "family man" and he at one point was the defensive coordinator at Boise State. Only problem is: he stinks as a head coach. Guy is 6 and 29 in his tenure at Utah State...and his most successful season was a 3-8 romp in 2005. Since that magical season, the Guy-led Aggies have been outscored 868 to 377. Impressive, no? No. This season may just be "do or die" for coach Guy, another 10 or 11 loss outing, and Utah State's dwindling fanbase will be calling for his head on a charger.

No offense, but you have no offense.
Remember when I told you that Utah State has been outscored 868 to 377 in the last two seasons? Turns out...that's not good. The Aggies were shutout 4 times in 2006 and once last season (but hey, they scored 3 against Oklahoma). While the Aggies did manage to improve their point-output by 117 from 2006 to 2007...they still have one of the weakest offenses in the nation. The Aggies run game produced only 1499 yards last year as a team—that's just a shade over how many yards last year's WAC rushing champ, Luke Lippincott had all by himself, and about 1000 yards behind the Broncos team rushing totals from '07. The Aggie passing attack was anemic last year as well, producing only 11 TDs through the air against 9 INTs. To make matters worse, the Aggies two top receivers from 2007, Kevin Robinson and Rob Meyers, have graduated. Obviously, if the Aggies don't get some skill position help, and fast, 2008 will be another stinker.

Defending your life
The Aggie defense needs to improve in a hurry. Utah State allowed 3 teams last year to score over 50 points on them and allowed an average score of 33.8. Boise State, which had what many consider to be a down year defensively in 2007, only allowed 20 points per game. The Aggies will return much of their defense this season—not sure if that is a good thing or not.

Special returner won't return
Utah State may be hurting this year in another key area: special teams. Kevin Robinson, who was a major homerun threat as a kick and punt returner last season is gone: drafted by the Kansas City Chiefs. His replacement is unknown, but it is hard to imagine that they will enjoy the level of productivity that the versatile Robinson enjoyed.

Bottom Line:
The Aggies will have another snore of a season. They probably don't have a shot at winning a game until the Vandals visit Logan on September 20th...but by that time, their probable 0-3 start will have their confidence shaken and a win over the Vandals is as good as a coin flip. I can legitimately see the Aggies going 0-12 this season, and I predict they will. The November 8th visit to the blue turf will be the last time that Brent Guy ever is in close proximity to a winning program.

Feebs.